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Writer's pictureMelody Gaynor

Finding My Power From Pain

Updated: Dec 3

Have you ever felt like you were stuck in a constant loop of painful experiences, reliving the same uncomfortable emotions, following the same hurtful patterns, or putting energy into relationships that are draining the life out of you? Have you wondered if peace, joy, or confidence were even possible for you?

 

For most of my life, I didn’t think peace was possible for me either.


When I met my current husband, I was stuck in survival mode. I had been diagnosed with PTSD and generalized anxiety disorder after years of compounded trauma. My first fiancé was killed. I had survived rape, abusive relationships, and a marriage to someone who completely hid his identity, using me as a cover.


I had tried therapy multiple times, but talking about my pain left me unable to function for days. As a corporate professional, I couldn’t afford to take that much time off. I coped as best as I could—on antidepressants, mood stabilizers, and anti-anxiety medications—but I still experienced panic attacks weekly.


I was sad and angry all the time when I wasn’t numb. Quite frankly knumb was easier.


One anniversary of a specific past trauma, my current husband, then my boyfriend, witnessed me have a complete meltdown. We’d only been together a few months and in that moment he saw me at my very worst, and stuck with me. He held me for hours as I sobbed uncontrollably. The next day, I couldn’t get out of bed. Missing a day of work during our busiest time felt like a massive failure.


Something had to give.


Not long after that, I learned about the Medicine Wheel—a year-long program rooted in ancient indigenous Peruvian practices. It offered a holistic approach to healing that I hadn’t tried before. At first, I was skeptical. Could something so different from anything I’d done before really help me?


I also knew that the way I was living wasn’t sustainable. When I spoke to the teacher, she assured me that the Medicine Wheel could help me process my pain in a way that wouldn’t leave me emotionally wrecked for days afterward. That was all I needed to hear. I was ready.


On the very first day of the Medicine Wheel, during the South retreat, we did a shamanic journey to meet our spirit guides. That’s when I met Shashownee, my head guide.


I remember vividly what she said to me: “You’re going to teach this one day.”


I immediately argued with her! I was there to heal myself—not anyone else. But Shashownee chuckled, unbothered by my protests, and simply said, “You have more power, compassion, and leadership ability than you realize. Commit to this process, and your life will never again be the painful loop you’ve been living.”


Her words stuck with me.


Learning to connect with my spirit guides—and grow a trusting relationship their guidance—became one of my favorite parts of the Medicine Wheel.


The journey wasn’t easy. At first, I felt like everything I had suppressed was coming up all at once. Thankfully the tools we learned—rituals, energy work, and techniques for self-awareness—helped me process those emotions in the moment instead of running from them.


I leaned on my fellow students, trading sessions when I needed extra support. Slowly but surely, I started to feel lighter. I laughed more. I felt peace creeping into places that had been full of grief, rage or numbness.


It was in these moments that I began to discover my gifts: intuition, clarity, and inner knowing. For the first time in my life, I trusted myself.


By the third retreat which is the North class, something incredible happened—I realized I hadn’t been triggered by PTSD in weeks. Over the course of a year, I worked with my doctor to wean off all my medications. My relationships improved. I found the courage to leave my corporate job and step into entrepreneurship full-time to devote myself to my calling: creating an army of self-aware and self-referencing humans who change the world just by being their authentic badass selves.


My life wasn’t just better—it was peaceful for the first time since junior high.


The biggest realization I had during this time was that I had been waiting for someone to save me. A knight on a white horse. A miracle that would fix everything. But there was no knight. I had to save myself by realizing that I am the miracle I was waiting on.


That realization made all the difference.


The Medicine Wheel taught me how to connect with my inner wisdom and the Eternal within me. Growing up in a conservative Christian home, I was told by church leadership that I was a lowly sinner, separate from God and lucky to avoid hell.


The Medicine Wheel showed me something radically different: The Eternal is in me, and I am in the Eternal. I could never be separate from it because I could never be separate from myself.


When I stopped running from myself and turned around to face who I truly was, I found beauty, strength, and the very traits that the Eternal placed in me when I was created.


After completing the Medicine Wheel, I realized how much better my life had become—emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I couldn’t keep this magic to myself.


When I work with students on the Medicine Wheel, my hope is that they’ll find what I found:


• Their brilliance and strength.

• Their highest destiny in this life.

• Their intuitive and spiritual gifts.

• Their ability to create the life they want.


The Medicine Wheel is more than just knowledge, it’s a practice that each student develops individually that entwines with every part of your life.


If you feel stuck, frozen, or out of control, I want you to know that better is possible. Peace is possible. You are capable of saving yourself, and when you do, the life you’ve always dreamed of will be waiting for you on the other side.


Are you ready to take the first step? I'm offering the next class beginning in January. This will be the last class I'm offering in my home. For the most intimate experience this is the class you want to be in! CONTACT ME to ask your questions and schedule a chat with me about timing and pricing and what's changing.

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